Ava V. Aboy

Writing about the past has never been as magical as writing about plans or the future. This is probably because the past will never be as mysterious as the future, or at least I never had this enchanting feeling about the past to have me inspired in writing about it. Ironically, History, for me is one of the most fascinating topics there can be. This is because it amazes me that things that happen in real life had been as exciting as that; things I could not do, say, think or even dream about – but actually happened, in the past, with other remarkable people. But MY past had never come close to what remarkable things I am able to read in history books. Nothing in my life had ever seemed to have been really worth writing about.

I am currently having writer’s block with writing my May 2015 Monthly review. Nothing seems to be significant enough, emotionally. I am not at all a famous blogger nor a famous personality so why do I feel the need to search for something so relevant as to compare the happenings in my life in a month to something as phenomenal as, I don’t know - the life of Frida Kahlo or Cleopatra or Marilyn Munroe? Or does the need to comply with a blog entry for the Month of May be my only basis for writing? Clearly, I would not be able comply to my power mantra “Brilliance Over Glamour” if I would just write non-sense stories or force myself to realize something I don’t really feel in my heart, but rather as an advertiser, to only find a way to “sell” the story. Personally, I do not believe that this is good writing.

Sadly, I cannot promise something good to come out but I will do my best into making my story interesting. In all honesty, I strongly believe that the reason for this writer’s block is because I feel nothing but remorse, guilt and indifference towards everything – but mostly indifference. At this point in time, I just want to sleep but can’t sleep because maybe I am not sleepy at all.

The difference with me and Frida, Marilyn, Cleopatra or any remarkable man or woman is that they made their life remarkable. They did something in their life that people can look up to. It’s funny how people tell me I’ve already come so far but the truth is, the secret to my “humility” is that I don’t really think of myself as that big-shot-something. I am nothing. I can paint but in my mind, I am not good enough. I haven’t done my best. And personally, I think being not contented at all with myself is a good thing. It makes me want to do more and be more. I am not at all proud of my “achievements” because I know I have to seek for even bigger things, bigger mountains to climb and pass through.

And really, grades are not that of a big deal. I have to give all my thanks to God because I got the grade that was more than what I expected but you know, to be honest, I never thought of people with high grades as superior to those who aren’t in the dean’s list. It’s funny how some of the people I know are disheartened or downed by how my grades are higher than theirs when the truth is, I know they are better than me as experienced artists. And whenever I get the chance I tell them that this shouldn’t be the case. Maybe the reason why people with higher grades are in that position because they had been more organized than the rest. People have to know that it is also important to become ever-diligent and organized if they want to succeed at anything. What is talent if you don’t know how to channel it?

The one factual story that makes me proud about myself was that feature on Viva La Manika’s online exhibit which had been launched this month. And frankly, I think I had been talking about it too much, so this would be the last time I would ever bring it up. And also, just in case, I think I should say this to somebody (because I have no plans of telling this to my friends); I have been chosen to be the Creatives Head for Touchpoint for the next academic year. It literally frightens me to be in this position because I don’t feel like I am imaginative enough to do it but I am taking this as a challenge.