What have I
been doing with my life?
I am 20
years old. I should have done a lot by now yet at this point in my life, I
cannot think of a single great achievement. Yesterday morning, I went to the
6th Annual PANAF IMC Youth Congress and I was lucky enough to hear
form the keynote speaker, Mr. Lean Legarda Leviste, the 22 year old President
and Founder of Solar Philippines. What an inspiring young man! Google
him and be amazed.
Anyway, Mr.
Legarda Leviste said at one significant point in his life, he had a “quarter-life
crisis.” He said that people his age were already giving so much to the world
that made him question his purpose in life. The story on his quarter-life
crisis pierced me through the heart like a knife. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
Eboy Fernandez, Art Director at BBDO Guerrero and former schoolmate of mine (he was a
senior when I was a freshman in UST High School), started his career in the
Advertising industry at a tender age of 19 and he has already won 2 Cannes Lions
in his lifetime. I am 20 now, so he’s probably about 23 or 24. Can you imagine? And this is just to mention a few people.
And so I came to
realize this last night:
Grades and positions aren’t real achievements. Contribute something to the world, that’s when you’ve served your purpose.
I think it
is opportune to lecture myself through a blog about how I wasted my life; just
to let me see how bad it really is. Let’s point each one out:
PROBLEM # 1: I have to mention this again; I HAVE NO REAL ACHIEVEMENT.
It disgusts
me to know that I don’t have anything to be proud of. Grades? Wow, how petty. I
am not even going to begin on how that doesn’t count. Good grades, to me, are
like designer bags or wallets; it’s just for show. Why did I stress on being
perfect to get that very overrated UNO? Frankly, I’m still stressing about it
now. Why? It’s like in Math class. I’m literally failing (not just in my
standards, it's that bad). I learned nothing so I probably deserve nothing. If I still didn’t
have the finals to redeem myself, and if I were my professor, I’d give myself a
TRES. I know I didn’t study hard for all the past quizzes and exams. I still
have the chance to bounce back during finals but still… my point here is this; the grade is just the prize, to learn in class is the priority.
Our generation
today strives for likes and approval. If they get a ton of reactions from
friends in social media, they automatically feel fulfilled. Seriously, what
significant contribution do you give to the world with that selfie with your
boobs or butt out? I mean, it’s okay to feel fulfilled about that but it’s not really
an "achievement" to become social media famous just because you’re ‘fabulous’.
Use that fame to influence other people, to help - have a cause!
We chase
for the wrong things for the wrong reasons. I am so guilty of that.
PROBLEM #
2: I DON’T KNOW MY PURPOSE
Or at least
I don’t anymore. I’m not doing anything to fight for what I love. When I
started out with my thesis, I was determined to incorporate women empowerment
in it. I wanted young girls to feel empowered through my version of the Ramayana. I loved being a woman. I’d stand up to any man who would oppress. But
nowadays, I don’t even fight for myself. One of the things I absolutely loathe
about myself is when I like a guy and he likes me back, I’d end up chasing him.
I literally have no chill when it comes to guys I like. I really hate that. A
few weeks ago, I was perfectly fine and happy doing my thesis and now, I am
letting myself be distracted by a guy. Where’s the woman empowerment in that?
Another
thing I hate about myself now is I don’t exercise anymore. I love going to the
gym, but now I don’t really make time for it. I have all these excuses. "My house is too far” and “I have thesis” are just a few. Plus I eat too much now. Health and
fitness used to be my one true love. Now, what’s happening? What am I doing? I’m
about 20 pounds heavier than how I weighed in April 2014. You should see my gut
sitting down.
Last thing
is that I don’t make art anymore. But oddly, I don’t feel as bad about that as
I do with the last two.
Basically,
I’m not in the right track right now. I have no one to blame but myself.
PROBLEM # 3: I HAVE NO SPECIFIC GOAL AND PLANS
At the
start of the semester, I know my goals were to graduate (of course) and to
become best thesis in Production Design. The biggest mistake I ever made in
life was not to plan on how I’d achieve it.
And
basically, that’s my only plan. I don’t have concrete plans for after
graduation; another reason to hate myself.
SO WHAT’S
THE SOLUTION???
SOLUTION # 1: LET GO
Now I’ve
realized the nuisances in my life that I’ve been wrongly focusing on, I know
now what to let go. Letting go is a big part of being able to focus.
SOLUTION # 2: PURPOSE IS THE BEST MOTIVATION
I have to
learn to love what I love again. Love is always an important ingredient to
purpose. Love what you do and it wouldn’t feel like work.
SOLUTION # 3: PLAN ALL THE WAY TO THE END
Plan in
detail, all the way to the end and there must be other options (Plan A, Plan B and so on). Plans change
but the goal must always be the same. And plan hard for big goals! Always aim high!
Know your vocation, contribute to the world, live simply and focus! –Just a friendly advice to myself.
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